


The Big E

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Human AU, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, my idea of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has a secret and he is determined to keep it. Alfred is the new guy who just moved into the apartment complex, can he keep the secret and how much longer can he survive his friend Francis. Ok this story is not meant to be taken seriously, it is my idea of humor. It is rated T just to be safe. It is a human AU. Please enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big E

I wake up screaming. I feel along my forehead and my breathing calms down instantly. I sit up and look into my mirror, still blond. I look around my room the walls are still the off white I just painted them (never bloody again that took a ridiculous amount of time and Francis was persistent on helping). I rip open my closet doors and breathe a sigh of content, I'm fine.

…

I try to tame my hair before getting pissed and throwing my brush at the mirror. It's too early for this. I pull on my weekend gear and leave to get the mail.

When I get to the mail I groan and nearly leave, he is here.

"Good morning mon ami." The blond French man says in his bloody French accent. I give him an evil eye and he just chuckles at me with the irritating laugh of his.

"Oh Arthur with your hair looking like that you could never intimidate me."

I feel a sudden urge to flip him off but control myself, I'm better than that. I pull out my mail and hastily shove one of the leaflets back.

"Why are they still sending me stuff?" I mutter discreetly.

"Arthur?" Damn I thought I was discreet.

"Don't worry it's nothing." I mumble darkly. I stare at that mail box and I feel tempted to introduce it to my fist. I almost get there before I hear a door bang up the hallway.

A pretty blond man with glasses starts walking towards Francis and I. Whoa hold up did I just refer to this man as pretty. Holy shit he isn't even wearing black I feel like I'm improving.

"Hey dudes do you by any chance know a place where you can get at least average coffee?"

"Oh so you're a coffee peasant." I mutter darkly, everyone knows tea is the superior race.

"Arthur," Francis screeches hitting me with his newspaper, "don't be rude to this handsome man." He then turns to the bloody American and introduces himself politely.

"Hello dear lovely to meet you I am Francis." I can see the poor kid being sucked into Francis's games. I can't let this happen. Sure his voice is annoying, he drinks coffee, and called us 'dudes', but no one deserves the pain of being friends with Francis.

I grab the boy's arm and yank him away from the Frenchman.

"Come on kid I know a place where they sell your blasted coffee, come with me."

"Bye, Francis." The kid says startled. I mean it makes sense I haven't taken a shower today and I called him a coffee peasant, but whatever he'll later learn that I just did him a huge favor.

"Bye dear I never did catch your name." Francis says charming as ever, gah I hate him.

"It's Alfred." The boy or should I say Alfred calls over to Francis.

…

I sit down across from Alfred. I took him to the small Hetalia cafe. The place is not that popular, but from extensive research I've learned that if you want coffee, this is the place to go. The cafe is ran by three men, one Italian, one German, and one Japanese. You could say that they are the Axis. I've actually known Kiku (the Japanese man) for a while and he then introduced me to Feliciano and Ludwig (I'm pretty sure it's obvious who is who), yet all I know about these two is that Kiku 'ships' them and has fanboy rants about the two of them not kissing. It's actually pretty hilarious I filmed a rant session once; it still sends me to stitches after a hundred times.

I look across to the Alfred and see him picking on the label of his latte.

"Hey I bought you the disgrace that is coffee you could have the decency to drink it." I joke at him, he snorts and it was strangely attractive.

"Whatever you say, princess."

"Oh wow such a great comeback bro." I say doing a poor imitation of the American accent. He laughs very loudly and high-pitched, but it makes me smile seriously I feel like comedian of the mouth. He smiles at me widely and I have an urge to ruffle that shaggy blond hair until I hear it.

"Am I more than you bargained for."

I swallow down the fear gripping at my stomach and pull Alfred up harshly. At look at him panic consuming me, no one can know.

"We have to go." I say voice raspy. I look over to my counter and Kiku is smirking, that little bastard.

"What's wrong?" Alfred asks clearly as panicked as I am.

"Nothing," I say trying to smooth over this dreadful situation, "I just thought it would be nice if we went to the park, I'll show you around England a bit."

Alfred just shrugs and goes with it. He's friends with Gilbert and Mathias he has learned to just go with the flow.

…

"So you're from America?" I ask sitting next to Alfred on the park bench. The weather is damp and tiny droplets of rain are running down the leaves of the tree above us. Alfred doesn't seem to mind which is great because I love the rain. A slight breeze is blowing carrying a musky scent with it probably making my hair look like a fourteen year old boy's bedroom while Alfred's hair looks ready to be filmed for a Garnier commercial.

"Really you noticed, damn I was trying to keep it a secret." He says sarcastically sending me a small grin. I push on his arm and noticed he is well muscled, I also notice I linger on his arm. Sadly Arthur doesn't notice how Alfred's smile gets wider when he realizes that Arthur is blushing.

'Why did you move to England smart ass?" I ask a tone of laughter lacing my voice.

"To study, my mom always wanted to study at Oxford but her parents couldn't afford for her to go, so I saved up money and my whole family pitched in to try to get me into Oxford. It worked obviously and I've never seen my mom happier."

"That's really sweet of you, but did you want to do this."

"Dude seriously who doesn't want to study at Oxford."

"What about you? What do you do?" Alfred asks.

"Believe it or not I also study at Oxford I'm in my second year working towards a PhD in science."

"DUDE SERIOUSLY." I cover my ears someone is sure excited about this. "You can like show me around and stuff this is awesome." I smile at him and gently bump into his side. He smiles at me and I suddenly burst out with the stupidest question.

"Do you want to go on a date sometime?"

His wide smile clarifies it for me. I. Am. Screwed.

…

2 days later

"Francis what have I done what if he finds out?" I ask the passive Frenchman while pacing my room. The blond man has his limbs sprawled across my bed probably contaminating my sheets with his Francisness. He looks up from his design magazine and looks me dead in the eye.

"We will prevent him from finding out." He says voice robotic and firm. "Those were dark time," he continues, I roll my eyes he's always had a flair for the dramatics, kind of like Voldemort, I mean he looks like that evil snake. "Dark times for us all Arthur especially poor Kiku I feel like I should make him a cake for all the trouble he went through with you; I should also make your dear mother Margaret one."

"Why do I hang out with you?"

"More importantly why do I hang out with you?" he bites back, I roll my eyes like he could do better.

"How do I look." I ask. I finally figured out how to brush my hair so it looks spectacular. I'm wearing a white button down which may or may not be slightly small and a pair of jeans.

"The smaller shirt gives you like a teaspoon to your zero amount of sex appeal so I guess it's good. Add a nice cardigan though."

A loud knock is heard on the door.

"Queen Elisabeth please help me."

I open the door and am greeted by a bouquet of dark red, lavender, pink, white, and yellow roses. He shuffles in and hands me the roses.

"Hi," he says, "I got your roses if you couldn't tell. Yeah they all mean different things the florist told me and I thought you might be into that so, dark red means unconscious beauty, lavender means enchantment, pink means appreciation, admiration, and is meant to convey the message believe me, white means heavenly and is meant to convey the message I am worthy, and then yellow means happiness and joy and is meant to convey the message I care." I smile, wow he put that much effort into that I put the flowers down and take him into a loving hug.

"Oh mon ami surely you can do better than a hug." Francis complains from the kitchen. I finally do flip him off. He laughs, one day I will kill his laugh.

"Oh well goodbye kids don't forget your curfew." I can hear him snickering as I close the door on him.

"Sorry about him he's just a prick who thinks he lives with me even though he has his own apartment."

"Well he does it because he cares."

"Oh no no no, Alfred honey if you want this to work between us, anything I say about Francis you must agree with, and I mean anything." Alfred just shakes his head and grabs my hand.

"So, where are you taking me?"

…

"Bowling, fuck yeah I'm going to crush you!" Alfred exclaims with confidence.

"I wouldn't be to confident big guy."

"Dude I was on the school bowling team, we went to nationals." He says with pride.

"You had a bowling team?" I ask in shock.

"Oh yeah I was captain." He says pride exuding from him.

"Really I saw you as more of captain of the football team." I say jokingly

"Oh I was." He says seriously. I roll my eyes, I should have known.

We suit up, he looks hilarious in his grey sweater and nice pants then bam these ugly bowling shoes, but I guess I don't look any better. We start the bowling; Alfred is so good I actually want to stab him so I could absorb his powers. Luckily I don't do that because when he comes over wraps his arms around me and teaches me to bowl 'properly' I swear I almost died, happily. It was going well the occasional banter and light-hearted conversation makes me smile, I don't even care that I'm losing. It was going well until I hear it faintly in the distance.

"Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor."

I can feel my insides crawl with urge to just, but I can't. I have to get out or else he'll know and I don't want him to know.

"Alfred we have to go." I say so coldly Alfred just drops the ball on the floor.

"Oh come on Artie we only have one more round." He whines giving me puppy dog eyes. I nearly submit he actually looks like an adorable five-year old. Then

I remember this is for his own good. I grab both of the blonde's warm hands and look into his blue eyes and nearly feel as if I could drown in them.

"Alfred trust me." I whisper. He immediately nods and I lead him out of the bowling alley.

Seriously though, who would play that at a family entertainment center?

…

After a lovely dinner at my favorite restaurant (they have the best scones it is incredible) I take the younger boy back to the apartments. I drop him off at his door and bring him into another hug. Then I hear the words of Francis in my head.

"Oh mon ami surely you can do better than a hug." I can actually hear his insistent and needy tone in my head, it sufficiently creeps me out. Yet for once I take Francis's advice and pray to Princess Diana that it doesn't back fire.

I gently grab the back of Alfred's neck and gently press my lips on his. I can feel him smiling through the kiss. In a burst of adrenaline I press my lips against his harder. I didn't hear a string orchestra playing behind us or hear the fireworks exploding above, but I knew are lips fit together and I feel like Alfred was made so I could kiss him.

Once we break apart neither of us know what to do. After a few seconds of unbearable awkwardness Alfred grabs my hand and kisses it.

"Call me." He whispers against my palm and then walks inside his room

…

3 months later

Alfred bursts into my room and collapses on my bed groaning.

"What's wrong?" I ask while running my hands through his soft hair.

"So much school work." He moans out.

"What were you expecting honey?" I ask gently rubbing his back. He leans into me; I place a butterfly kiss to his forehead. Then Francis barged in; seriously how does everyone keep getting in here.

"You leave a spare key buried to the left in your pot plant." Alfred says like he read my mind. Seriously I think I spend too much time with him it's getting creepy how well we read each other.

"Alright Arthur mon ami, it is time for a haircut." Francis says clapping his hands together. Alfred sits up and looks at me.

"Yes Artie it is time for a haircut." Alfred says happily his eyes light up with joy.

"What did I tell you on out first date, if you want his to work you have to disagree with anything Francis says?"

"You dumping me is worth it if you cut your hair." He says in all seriousness. I place a hand over my heart in hurt; he just rolls his eyes at me.

…

Somehow those two force me into Francis's car and we are on the way to get my hair cut. I silently curse both of them to a lovely afterlife in hell. Once we park the car and enter the barber's I feel like crying. It's not like I have long hair it's just scruffy and sure it annoys me more than my brother Peter, but I feel a certain connection with it that I don't happen to feel with Peter. I sit down in the chair and am ready for the torture of getting my hair chopped off.

"So what would you like today sir." The barber asks me.

"He would like for it to be cut along the sides and the top because lord knows what happened there." Francis says for me like I'm some sort of child. Silently I thank him, very silently.

The cut is going smoothly, it's not enjoyable and a piece of my soul breaks every time a strand of hair touches the ground. I write a special eulogy for each of them. Then one again I hear it. I swear the universe is out to get me.

"When I was a young boy."

I can't do it; I have to sing this song. Francis looks at me in panic!

"Don't do it Arthur." Francis whispers dramatically. Alfred looks between us in confusion. I try to restrain myself I really do, but the words bubble in my throat and explode out my mouth.

"He said, "Son, when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned," The words come out of me in a mix of confused Arthur and extremely happy emo Arthur. I want to curl into a ball, but the fringe won't allow it. Alfred is looking at me in extreme loss and disbelief.

"Were you scene?" Alfred asks in disbelief. I nod my head in shame.

"He even had a fringe. His hair was dyed green with black and white stripes he looked like a raccoon. He had multiple piercings it was scary, do you have any idea how often I had to convince him not to get stretchers, nine, nine times."

"It wasn't that many times." I say trying to salvage the situation

"You're right it was eleven." He says bite in his voice. Alfred snorts and starts breaking into uncontrollable laughter.

"You guys. Why did you keep this secret?" He starts laughing harder. Customers are giving all of us the evil eye. I look behind me and realize the barber has left, god knows how long ago.

"It was a dark part of the past that we don't like to talk about." Francis says once again reverting back into Voldemort mode.

…

2 days later

I had isolated myself in my room the past couple of days. The darkness of the room reflected my emotions. I was feeling alright after a while. Then I hear it the loud pitter patter of footsteps. Now that could be one of two people because I don't have any other friends. The question is though who is it. It could also be a burglar or serial killer and I'm in deep doo doo but I like to look on the positive side of things.

"ARTIE I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU." Ah it's Alfred. I'd of preferred the burglar. I'm not ready for the inevitable break up due to the deep emotional baggage of dating a former emo. Maybe I'm actually Voldemort.

I follow the sound of Alfred's voice though and end up in my kitchen to find an Alfred dressed in or could you say painted into black leather skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and the ugliest plaid jacket known to humanity. He hands me a CD and his smile is somehow wider than normal. I swear he has an abnormally large jaw because no one normal can smile that hugely.

"What is this?" I ask confused

"It's from my high school band, we called ourselves peachfuzz. We did covers of what you could call emo songs. I thought you'd appreciate knowing your not the only former scene is this relationship.

I suddenly realize how hot Alfred looks in leather. I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him to me.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" I growl into his ear. "Because baby I love you."

"Love you to." He gasps

I pull him into my lips for a scorching and realize that yeah we'll be alright.


End file.
